I was reading back in my journal the other day and I found that on August 3, 2009 I wrote this at the end of my entry for the day:
“…Lord I pray this never happens, but if one of my children or loved ones died suddenly, I hope I would be found to praise, honor, and glory of Jesus Christ. That is where I want my faith to be.”
That was it for my entry that day. I don’t really know why I wrote that statement. Looking back on it, it was a bold statement to make. We had a tough July that year, nothing earth shattering, just a physically and mentally draining month. Connor was very sick all month with various things, and Kaelyn was stricken with a fever every two weeks, with no medical explanation. Josh and I got the flu. Josh’s grandmother passed away, and we drove twenty one hours in three days with a nine month old with double ear infections. I got a total of nine hours of sleep on that sixty hour trip. I think I worked six days of our twelve day summer fun preschool program, because the kids were sick so much. The month was hard, and I don’t mean to be so “woe is me,” but I just want to paint that picture for you. I guess the bottom line is: I didn’t understand why I would write such a statement in that moment.
God was preparing me for what was to come. On January 9, 2010 my grandmother came to visit me for the weekend. She had a stroke in the middle of the night, and ten days later she went home to be with the Lord. During those ten days, Josh and I had a strength that was from on High that I can’t begin to describe. We had five extra people staying in our little home for ten days. You can imagine what a toll that would be for our family in such a small living space, but honestly, everything was so blessed by God. We were able to share our faith and the love of Christ with people that didn’t know otherwise.
There is so much more to that story than I could ever adequately express on a blog posting, but that is not really what this is about. The point is that we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10) He interceded on my behalf beforehand while I was writing in my journal, and prepared my heart so I could walk in His work and in His ways. I know for an absolute fact that if it wasn’t for Jesus, then I would have lost my mind somewhere in those ten days. Praise be to God that we were able to comfort my family and uphold them out of the overflow of comfort we ourselves were getting from God! (2 Corinthians 1:4)
My point is, our prayers aren’t in vain, people! Let us rejoice in the Lord, pray without ceasing and remember, even if we don’t know it, the Spirit himself makes intercession for us! (Romans 8:26) “We” don’t really do anything. We are HIS workmanship. Is that as mind boggling for you as it is for me?
I went back to that journal page and marked that on 01/19/19 my gram went Home. That’s all I wrote. It seemed sufficient to me.